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The quote is from my favorite J. D. Salinger book. I'm selective about the people I keep company with, and the things I do in my life, such as reading, hiking, snowshoeing/skiing, learning about survival in the wild. I'm kind of vain but I like to make people laugh by doing and saying silly things. You should email me if you want to do the same and make me laugh.
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Been married for 5 years, have had sex with my wife maybe 5 times in the last 2 years, and have more or less given up on revivng our sex life. For our preschool-age kid, financial reasons, and for the fact that I still do care for and love my wife and have an otherwise live-able, often even enjoyable, relationship, I'm unwilling/unable to consider divorce. My wife's sex drive is gone, she admits, and has shown that she really has no interest in regaining it. My sex drive, on the other hand, is still very much alive and I've finally come to the place where I'm open to exploring the possibility of getting my sexual needs met extramaritally. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I've finally decided to put my story out there not so much in hopes of advice on how to improve my situation, but more just to get it off my chest, and maybe I'll find some people who can understand the way I feel, who are or were in a similar place. So, why have I given up on trying to improve things with my wife? Perhaps the biggest reason is simply that she doesn't want to have sex. At all. Everything else in her life is more of a priority. Even though she knows how badly I crave intimacy and sex. She has no sex drive any more, and no longer gets enjoyment from sex, although I've tried to make it enjoyable/ pleasurable for her. On the occasion we are in bed together, I try to spend time on foreplay, (although kissing is often forbidden because she's afraid either one of us might have a cold germ of some kind and might pass it on to the other--you can imagine that after oral, absolutely no kissing is aloud) I go down on her and try to give her pleasure so that it's not just about me but she always ends up saying "thank you, but that's enough" and tells me politely to go ahead and get on with it. After which sex itself is often painful for her. She's not interested in trying to figure out what's wrong. Consulting a professional, seeing a counselor? That would be mortifying, according to her. Absolutely out of the question. So, when the stars align and all the conditions that must be met before she will consider sex are actually met (both of us showered and thoroughly cleaned, neither one with the hint of a cold or illness of any kind, fresh sheets on the bed, etc.) and often after I've stooped to hinting that it's been over months and I'm starting to go a little crazy, only then will she come to me when she's ready, tell me she's sorry to have kept me waiting with a shy smile on her face and let me have sex with her body for as short a time as possible--while I hope that it's not painful for her this time. That much sums it up.
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